


i found the cure to growing older

by cokeslushie



Category: Bill & Ted (Movies), Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, The Lost Boys (Movies)
Genre: Anxiety, BILL IS BI, Captain Logan is an Asshole, Crossover, Crushing big time, Emo, Emotionally Repressed, Everyone Is Gay, GAY AWAKENINGS, Gen, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Pining, Post-Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey, Ted is Gay, Vampires, and Emo Lyrics, as in, from Ted’s dad lmao, marko helps ted figure out just how gay he really is, this is the most self indulgent thing ive ever written lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:29:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26572219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cokeslushie/pseuds/cokeslushie
Summary: Ted wasn’t even sure what happened. All he knew is that Deacon had taken off at some point with his and Bill’s time machine — and now Rufus had to help him fix it and yadda-yadda, alternate dimensions, something-or-another murder capital. Ted is most troubled about the whole thing. Good thing he gets help fast.
Relationships: Bill S Preston Esq./Ted “Theodore” Logan, Ted "Theodore" Logan/Bill S. Preston Esq., Ted “Theodore” Logan/Marko
Comments: 20
Kudos: 98
Collections: billen ted





	1. Chapter 1

No matter how Ted tried to spin it, the horrid situation they found themselves in happened to be Deacon’s fault. Most things were Ted’s fault in the Logan household. Just ask Captain Logan himself. His eldest child was a bonafide screw-up, a real shit for brains. Usually, Deacon was the one to think before he took action. He was really decisive for being so young. Ted would normally commend his little brother for it. Now, as he was hurtling through time —  _ alone —  _ he wasn’t so keen on his brother’s most headstrong capabilities. In fact, Ted thought to himself as the phonebook crushed his pinky toe, his brother might be a little brat. Ted wasn’t even sure what happened. He just knew that his baby brother had somehow been able to use  _ his and Bill’s  _ time machine. Ted was lucky that Rufus let the two of them have a phone as a way to contact him. It was a clunky little thing but Rufus has sold it well. Ted mostly used his to send long, complicated thoughts to Bill. (Or just save them on the notes section.) Bill would send Ted possible lyrics for The Song, as well as the better couplets he thought of in the shower.

Ted cursed himself for leaving without Bill. The telephone booth felt overwhelming without the two of them there. Now it was just Ted chasing after Deacon through space time and Bill at some dumb, fancy dinner with Mr. Preston Esq. It was wrong. Ted knew that in his heart. This was wrong. 

The feeling was cemented when the phone booth landed on the ground unceremoniously and Ted stumbled out. He lost his footing (for he had always been clumsy) and ate shit on the concrete. The sidewalk was slick with rain, dark and never ending. Ted coughed and shook his head. He could taste a little bit of blood. Nothing major. Of course, Ted half expected Bill to appear in front of him. Offer up his hand, swinging, chide at Ted for being so spaced out. Bill would laugh, dust Ted off, and find Deacon in a heartbeat. Bill was sure of himself in a way that Ted wasn’t yet. Yet. 

Ted pushed himself up to his feet. He could hear music distantly. Something light, a chord or two he was familiar with. He shook off whatever leftover anxiety was on his shoulders and trudged on towards the sounds of life. Better to start there. 

The sound gave way to the sight of a carnival in full swing. The damp weather did nothing to deter the massive crowd of people. There were kids chasing each other up and down lanes, fighting to get the best seats on the Ferris wheel. Ted saw many a couple; more makeouts and total babes than he’d ever seen in San Dimas. This was Santa Carla. That’s where Deacon had poofed himself to. Rufus had detailed a few notes for Ted’s solo endeavor.  _ Yadda-yadda _ -the space time continuum,  _ something _ about another dimension,  _ something something  _ about murder. Rufus was a righteous dude with a plethora of knowledge but Ted had a one track mind thing going on right now. He had really only focused on Rufus saying “I believe in you! I’ll let Bill know what’s going on.” It’d be great if Bill knew what was going on because Ted certainly didn’t. 

He hoped beyond hope that Deacon was here at this fair. Ted wanted nothing more than to be able to just spot his brother from across the sea of bodies, grab his hand, tell him how wack this all is, and drag his ass back to 1993. Knowing Deacon, though? There was no way it was going to be that easy. Ted wiped his face with his dark shirt sleeve and started his search. He could do this. Quick in and out, then back home to San Dimas. Back to the apartment. Back to normal.   
  


* * *

Most unfortunately, things were not easy. Not a single thing. Ted sat, knees pulled up under his chin. People had begun filing out of the pier an hour ago, but quite a few younger ones had remained. Ted heard the roar of a motorcycle nearby, something harsh and alarming among all the faint cheers. He had searched the entire vicinity for his brother. He felt sick. Heinous. Deacon could be anywhere. He was probably-definitely freaking out. Ted’s stomach churned. He knew he didn’t have time to mope around, not when things were so serious. It was just .. there was this paralyzing feeling in his chest. Something freezing him in place. He could hear Captain Logan growling into his ear. “You useless fuck. Lost track of your brother, huh? Can you be trusted with a damn thing? And now look at you; wipe that snot outta your nose and get your sorry ass up. I won’t have you be my only surviving child. You’re not much of a legacy.” Ted was choking up, his throat felt so dry. His mind began to spiral as it did sometimes when there was nothing else for it to do. Ted was no stranger to feeling trapped. He scoffed at himself for being so hung up on his old man. Ted hadn’t stepped inside the house in over 2 years. (He hoped it would be a lot longer too.) Whatever amusement Ted found in his bogus predicament was short lived. He felt like sobbing. 

A kick to his shin. Not hard, but firm enough to get his attention - Ted jumped from his spot on the boardwalk and shot his head up to look at his attacker. He prayed it was Deacon. It wasn’t. It was Bill. Or, rather, it should have been Bill. The guy in front of him looked  _ exactly  _ like his superb best friend. Exactly and not quite. His hair was longer, his clothes were dark, layered, torn. He had black under his eyes and a slack jaw smirk that made Ted’s stomach do flips. This Bill’s lips were red, as if he had just finished a cherry slurpee. This Bill wore heavy combat boots. Ted’s Bill would have complained about the laces. Ted’s Bill rarely looked so purely confident. This Bill looked like no one on the planet could take him. It wasn’t Bill. But why did he  _ look  _ like that? 

“Hey there. You lost?” Not Bill said. His voice was different, too, it was a little lower. He had what remained of a cigarette in between the fingers on his left hand. 

“Are you, uh, Bill?” Ted wasn’t sure why he even asked. He knew this wasn’t Bill, not  _ his  _ Bill anyway. Not his best friend. They might look similar but something was most off with this dude. Ted sort of got the feeling that if it were a little darker and a little less busy, this guy would do more than kick at Ted’s shins. A shiver went down Ted’s spine. 

“Who the hell is Bill?” Not Bill scrunched up his face in a way that mocked confusion. Ted’s head was swimming. Not Bill took a drag and Ted couldn’t seem to look anywhere else. He blinked hard, forcing himself to snap out of it. (It might have read as a wince.)

“Ah, you must just really look like him, then. Sorry about that.” Ted took this opportunity to rise to his feet. He used his palms to pat at his jeans. He tried to bury his worry and focus on the moment. That’s what all the heroes do. (He’s pretty sure that’s what they do.) He stuck out his hand to the other boy, sticking a smile on his face. “I’m Ted “Theodore” Logan.” 

Not Bill looked Ted up and down in such a painstaking manner, Ted thought he might just burn through the floor. What was with this guy? Not Bill grinned, grabbing hold of Ted’s hand. His smile wasn’t light, no, it was most dastardly. Ted gulped. 

“Hello, Ted “Theodore” Logan.” The guy responded simply. 

“And you are?” Ted followed, to be polite. 

“Marko.” The word was abrupt. So different and so sure. This was Marko. It shouldn’t matter so much to Ted that Marko was the spitting image of Bill; maybe it was the guilt eating at the bottom of Ted’s gut for leaving his companion behind. “You didn’t answer my question.” Marko’s voice pulled Ted back to reality. 

“Huh?” Ted replied intelligently. 

“I asked you first, are you lost?” Marko cocked an eyebrow up. He had to tilt his chin up a little to meet Ted’s eyes. Another drag. Why was Ted so worried about Marko’s cigarette? Would Bill ever smoke? Did Ted really care? He found the answer more difficult to pin than he had time to process. 

“Uh, yeah.” Ted continued on. “Yeah, dude, most egregiously so. I’m actually looking for my little brother.” Ted admitted. He was surprisingly comfortable with this new doppelgänger. Something about Bill’s face, Marko’s face, was so inviting. Even if Ted thought about kicking himself every time he opened his mouth. 

“That so?” Marko hummed. 

Ted felt like he was fumbling around even though he was standing perfectly still. “His name’s Deacon. Deacon Logan. I have to find him within the next few hours or else I am screwed royally.” Ted said  _ I  _ but really meant  _ the whole cosmic shebang.  _

“Sounds serious,  _ dude.”  _ The way that word fell out of Marko’s mouth struck Ted for some reason. The entire encounter was making Ted feel like he had been caught doing something wrong, something embarrassing. His face felt hot. He could still taste blood in the back of his mouth if he thought about it. Marko tossed the butt of his cigarette to the ground and snuffed it out under his boot. “Deacon, huh? Think I heard something about a kid with that name. Over there by the video store, I think. I could probably take ya to him.” 

Bad idea. Bad idea. Horrible, preposterous, non-non- _ non _ heinous idea. Something about Marko made Ted feel so out of place, so dizzy with senseless thoughts. The fact that he was speaking comprehensible sentences was amazing. But, really, what other choice did Ted have? Fuck around the fair and surrounding area for a while? Try the booth again? Everything Ted could do on his own would take way too long. 

“Like, uh, how so?” Ted ventured. 

“My bike.” Marko jerked his head towards the other side of the boardwalk. “We can look around for a bit, if you want. Faster than walking.” The smile Marko offered Ted reminded him of a dog baring its teeth. 

“Okay. Let’s go.” Ted said, feet already moving. 

“Right on.” Marko laughed. He gripped Ted’s wrist and walked on. Ted had never felt so gangly as he did when Marko jerked him around like he weighed nothing. The short blond led them down the road to a pile of bikes amidst a semi-populated square. They got a few looks here and there. Ted was used to that by now. He and Bill would still get major looks every time they stepped into the bigger mall southside or the princesses university campus. _Maybe it was the earrings_ , Ted thought as he clambered on behind a talkative Marko. _There’s that whole thing about the gay ear_. Ted had thought about it briefly back when he had Bill pierce it for him when they were 17. “The right ear’s the wrong ear.” Captain Logan grumbles from the shade of Ted’s mind. “The left ear’s the right ear. Both? That makes you a—“ 

“Here we are, Teddy. Rock ‘n’ roll!” Marko beamed, kicking his leg up over the seat of his motorcycle. Being up and on his feet had reinvigorated Ted with newfound hope. He nodded appreciatively of the sweet ride. 

“Marko, my friend, you have a truly choice automobile.” Marko laughed, drinking in the sound of Ted’s voice. He shook out his shoulders, his hair — _his mullet, Jesus H. Christ, bro, that’s a real mullet_ —and kicked out the stand. Ted noticed that both of Marko’s ears were pierced. 

“You’re too kind, Theodore.” Marko said. Every time he spoke, Ted was increasingly more sure that Marko was making fun of him a little. “You getting on?” 

Before Ted could accept and attempt to get his bony body safely behind Marko’s broad little figure, a holler of most epic proportions rang around the square. 

“MARKO!” A team of boys called from down the boardwalk. They, too, were set to the nines in dark grungy layers and bright piercing eyes. (Ted had never seen so much leather, so many patches and spikes and eyeliner, holy goddamn shit these guys were  _ rockstars. _ ) 

“Polo!” Marko called back, revving his engine. Ted felt that this was a bit more ‘now or never’ than he had previously anticipated. Ted climbed on behind Marko and instinctively slid his arms tight around his torso. Bill had had a dirt bike for a while before some dickweed stole it. Ted had always ridden behind, always way too nervous to bear the front. Marko looked in his element up there. Ted could appreciate the work of Marko’s jacket like this. In fact, the guy’s entire outfit was alive with the glory of punk. Ted thought about an air guitar solo. It would have to wait. 

The crew of young men swarmed the remaining bikes. They took turns giving each other shit for a second, Ted heard a few “screw you”s here and there. But it was the tall one, the platinum blond with an older look on his face, who got Ted’s attention. “Who's the arm candy, Marko? He’s pretty, isn’t he?” 

“Thank you!” Ted said, smiling. The crew of boys laughed. They joustled each other, leaning heavily, exchanging looks and grins alike. They seemed to be looming. Marko shifted his weight on the bike somewhat anxiously. 

“Where are you jetting off to so soon?” One of the taller boys asked. His long mousy hair trailed in front of his face but Ted could make out his amused look just fine. 

“Helping Theodore here find somebody in town. No big, I’ll be back before you know it.” Marko replied easily. 

“You can call me Ted.” Ted said more to Marko than anyone else. No one amiable called him Theodore alone. The platinum blond dude, who Ted got serious Big Man On Campus vibes from, grinned. 

“Well,  _ Ted,  _ our Marko will take good care of you. Will you be joining us later tonight? We’re planning a killer time.” 

“David,” Marko started. “He’s gotta get out of dodge in a few. He won’t even be there at dawn.” 

“That’s too bad.” David drawled. He bowed with a flourish of his hand. “I hope whoever you’re looking for turns up soon, pal.” David locked eyes with Ted. “Maybe you’ll get to hang after all.” Marko didn’t look incredibly pleased with the idea. The remaining boys stationed themselves on their bikes. The spectators were still incredibly interested in their group. Ted had rarely felt so many eyes on him without being onstage. “See you later, then.” David declared. 

“Later, Teddy!” One of the other boys hollered, taking off like a zip gun. David was the last to go, a pretty girl now secured behind him on his bike. He must have been waiting for her. The girl waved. Ted waved back. 

“Catch ya later, dudes!” Ted called as David and the girl took off down the road. He couldn’t help but smile when he said it, despite the pack of boys’ demeanor. Their laughter was howling in the night. They had stared at Ted like he was a meal they couldn’t wait to devour. Bogus. Ted immediately tried to forget how atypical this all was. He squeezed a little at Marko’s middle. “So, my new and most interesting companion, where is the video store?” 

Marko’s smirk slid back into place. “Right, right. They moved it further down, shouldn’t take long. Let’s go, then!” He rocked forward, revving the engine. 

Ted wasn’t ready for how fast they took off. His hair whipped around his face in a way that couldn’t possibly be triumphant. When he could see, he was amazed by the lights. The skyline of Santa Carla left San Dimas in the dust. He wasn’t sure if it was the night life calling out to him or if his heartbeat had given up regularity, but Ted felt like he was flying. He let out a whoop when they hit a side road. Marko’s laugh filled the night. Ted’s chest suddenly felt heavy when he realized that Bill was probably wrapping up his preppy evening with his folks. On a normal night, they’d be home together afterwards. Ted would’ve picked up a movie from the rental store and enough snacks to feed an army. Bill might’ve scored some bud they could roll up. Ted could clearly visualize the blue that falls across their room, showering him and Bill in dim light. The drone from the imaginary TV gave way to the very real hum of Marko’s motorcycle. 

“Okay, dude, here we are.” Marko said, rounding the corner to pull up to a small shop. Through the window, Ted could clearly makeout a few racks of best selling movies of the time. He hadn’t thought much about what year it must be, or what time, but he figured that it might be September. Not enough horror movies to sell in October, a few classic school flicks directed by Wes Anderson & John Hughes _.  _ Marko made note of this aloud as he parked. “I promise it’s not as square as it looks.” For the first time, Marko sounded less than stellar. He looked almost nervous. Most apologetic. Ted nudged him with his arm, smiling. 

“Hey, don’t worry. I’m sure Deacon was most entertained. If he’s here.” 

“What’s he look like again?” Marko asked, heading in. 

Ted noted how Marko asked ‘again’ as if Ted had described him earlier. He hadn’t, so he was confused for just a moment. Letting his eyes take in the busy shop took a bit out of him. But he refocused, honed in on his objective. 

“About this high!” Ted declared, holding up his hand a bit above his middle. Dark brown hair, lighter than mine. He has freckles, and always wears this green baseball cap.” Ted has gotten the hat for Deacon for his latest birthday. It said ‘Starstruck’ on the back in bold yellow letters. Deacon had wanted it for years but their father was under the impression that ornate clothing was pointless. Ted dressed as ornately as the dress code in school let him and encouraged Deacon to do the same. Ted scanned the store, heart beating fast. He wanted the whole universe to align — just let this be easy. He thought he saw his father in the crowd. 

“That him?” Marko asked casually. He gestured towards the record section. There, three boys sat away from the hustling mass. They were curled in amongst themselves, muttering to each other excitedly. One of the boys was most assuredly Deacon Logan. He was grinning, eyes never leaving the other two boys. Ted let out a sigh of relief so great, he doubled over. Marko hit his back once. “Guess so.” 

“Thank you. Seriously, I would have been—“ 

“Most royally screwed, right?” Marko asked playfully. 

“Right, dude.” Ted watched his brother socialize and realized that he hadn’t really gotten the opportunity before. Being a Logan seemed to come with the burden of loneliness. Deacon focused on school and sports because Captain Logan willed it. Ted had deviated so strongly that he sometimes worried that his little brother would never know teenage freedom. But here, Deacon looked like he was having  _ fun.  _ His eyes were bright, his hands animated. Whatever the trio had been discussing came to an apex and the other two boys clapped Deacon on the shoulders. They laughed together. Ted felt compelled to air guitar. His eyes darted to his left on the off chance that Bill was there to do it with him. He wasn’t. It would have to wait. 

“He seems joyous.” Ted said aloud to Marko. The pair had wandered closer together in the drama/sci-if aisle. Marko was stationed by a cardboard cut out of Luke from  _ Star Wars.  _ He looked up at Ted then back to the boys. 

“I’ll say. Those lil weirdos are always kicking around in here.” Marko shrugged. “Just happy we got it on the first try. Maybe David was right, maybe you can..stay. For a while.” There it was again. That slight stumble, that nervousness. Ted wasn’t sure if he’d ever made anyone nervous before. Usually it was other people making  _ him  _ nervous. Like earlier, for example, when the mere sight of Marko made Ted’s synapses explode like an action movie. 

“And hang out with your pals?” Ted asked genuinely. Marko has seemed so  _ not down  _ with the concept before. Marko was now looking at him rather intensely. Ted wasn’t sure whether it was the fact that Marko had Bill’s face or that his previously dire responsibility had been lifted, but he felt at ease. He felt trusting. 

“You wouldn’t have to. We could just—“

“Ride around again?” Ted asked, excitement bleeding into his words. Marko smiled and Ted thought about how sharp Marko’s teeth were. How bodaciously bright. 

“We could do that.” Marko agreed. “Get your kid brother.” Marko moved into Ted’s space, shoulder brushing up against shoulder. Marko leaned in, dominating Ted’s senses. “I’ll be waiting outside.” He whispered up into Ted’s ear. 

Ted shivered. He tried to resolve himself so the mush in his mind wouldn’t come out of his mouth. “Station.” He breathed out. Marko chuckled under his breath, pulled out a cigarette pack and kicked the front door open. Ted heard the cashier give Marko shit but it was so hard to focus on anything at all. Ted was conscious enough to duck into the empty documentary aisle and give Rufus a call. 

“Ted?” Rufus said from the little box. 

“Rufus! I found him!” Ted declared. He tried to keep his voice low so as not to draw unwanted attention. “He’s with these Santa Carla boys. I think they’re talking about comics or something.” 

“That’s excellent, Ted! I can be there in a snap.” Ted knew Rufus meant this most literally. “I’m proud that you navigated time so well, and on your own no less. But let’s not make a habit of it. It’s a lot of trouble looping the booth around.” 

“No way, dude. Deacon’s getting the most stern talking to about the dangers of interdimensional time travel. And I had help, luckily!” 

“Help? In Santa Carla? The murder capital?” 

“This is the  _ murder capital? _ ” Ted asked, trying not to let his astonishment become volume. He wasn’t sure what year it was and would hate to freak out the locals. 

“I told you that as you were leaving! I specifically said that it’s an alternate sister dimension where a bunch of suspicious activity has been tracked. Murder capital.” Rufus said. 

“Huh. Bogus.” Ted decided. 

“Bogus.” Rufus agreed. “I can collect Deacon myself if you want to head back in the booth now.” 

Ted paused at that. He had done what he needed to do. He could go home. He  _ should  _ go home. But Deacon looked so unbelievably happy here. One of the other boys, the one with longer hair, had his arm comfortably around his baby brother’s shoulders. Deacon’s smile hadn’t faded once since Ted’s been in the store. 

“Can I have, like, an hour, dude?” Ted asked quietly. 

“You wanna  _ stay?  _ Did you hear me at all just now?” Rufus stressed, bewildered. 

“Well, man, Deacon is just so geeked to be here and I..” And Marko was waiting outside. 

“Is it your new friend? The one that helped?” Rufus guessed. 

“Yeah.” Ted admits, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. 

“Okay, okay. You’re a sentimental guy, Ted. I’ll give you an hour.” Righteous! One hour hanging out and letting his brother be a kid for once! Things were turning up nicely. “No harm, no foul.” Rufus continued. “I’ll be there with Bill, by the looks of it. He is, ah, mildly worried, but I explained the whole Deacon situation. I’m still unsure as to how he had access to the phone booth at all, but I’ll look into it.” 

“I probably fucked up.” Ted said, shrugging his shoulders. It was the most logical explanation. Deacon had been staying at Ted’s for the weekend, they must have been inattentive and Deacon found his way around the phone booth. They’d gotten permission to keep it close by for the summer. He and Bill liked to occasionally treat themselves to the abundance of awesome time had to offer. They had been to the Queen Live Aid concert that Ted still had dreams about. Bill wanted to see if they could afford to be groupies for Van Halen for the summer. ‘For studying purposes, dude! The princesses are totally hitting the books and we got nothing!’ It was feasible that Deacon just got curious. 

“Don’t say that, Ted.” Rufus chided. “Give yourself a break. You’ve earned it.”

“Alrighty, Rufus.” He hummed into the receiver. He heard Deacon’s laugh again. “See you in an hour! I got my watch set, dude. I’ll make sure Bill knows we’re okay.” 

“Catch ya later, Ted.” Ted could hear the smile in his voice. Ted let Rufus hang up. He started typing up something for Bill as he made his way to Deacon’s new best friends. 

“D,” Ted said with conviction. Deacon’s head snapped up, as if he were gasping for air. He whipped around to look up at Ted, eyes blown wide. 

“Oh God, Ted, am I in trouble?” Deacon asked, scrambling up to his feet. His two friends exchanged shifty looks. Most horrific. 

“Nah, kiddo. We just have to get back soon.” Ted replied. He never liked seeing his brother scared. He was pretty sure no one did. “How’d you get here?” 

Deacon shrugged. “I thought I passed out for a second or something. Woke up just down the boardwalk. Sorry about ditching; I was just..”

“Most curious, my philosophical sibling.” Ted pat his brother on the back. He wasn’t going to let Deacon take the fall too heavy for this. Was it the kid’s fault that they were here? Sure, but Ted’s the one who asked for an extra hour to ride around the city. 

“Deacon?” One of the boys asked. 

“Yeah, hey, look.” Deacon gestured from Ted to the boys and back again. “Edgar, Alan, this is my brother, Ted. T, Edgar and Alan. We were talking about—“ 

“The greatest monster slayers of all time!” Edgar claimed. Alan handed over his small stack of comics.

“Station!” Ted scanned the comics quickly. Van Helsing, Vampires in Sodom, Freak of the Week. “You guys like, uh, Halloween stuff?” 

“It’s not just Halloween stuff.” Alan scoffed. 

“Yeah, man. This is  _ real life.”  _ Edgar agreed. 

Deacon looked equal parts apologetic and elated. Ted was totally confused, but decided that, hey - if this makes the kid happy! “Bodacious! If monsters are real, I do suppose it’s only right to have a sick monster slayer!” 

The boys grinned up at Ted, taking the comics back and redistributing them amongst themselves. “Stay here.” Ted said to Deacon. “You have an hour and then we have to motor.” 

“Like, for good?” Deacon asked quietly. 

Ted didn’t want to ruin the fun, he really didn’t. “Uh, we’ll have to see, my most impressive brethren. An hour.” He reminded him aloud. “Here. That’s all! Party on, dudes!” Ted cheered, clapping Deacon on the shoulder and turning to exit out of the store. He felt righteous right now, positively excellent. Bill and Rufus were coming, Deacon was having fun and maybe Ted could convince Marko to go even faster on the side road they were on. 

“Hey, dude!” Ted said cheerily. The rush of chill autumn air hit him and he took the cue to wrap his jacket around himself a little tighter. Marko looked up, smiled with all his teeth, and got on his bike. 

“Hey yourself,  _ dude. _ ” Marko bit back. There was no malice in his words. In fact, he seemed most excited to see Ted. He was practically vibrating underneath Ted’s touch when he used Marko to steady himself, clambering on. 

“Where are we goin’? I have an hour before I have to get home. Rufus is picking us up back here.” Ted explained. Then, he realized that Marko had no clue who Rufus was. 

“An hour? That bites, that’s not a lot of time.” Marko mumbled. He kicked a little at the asphalt. Ted’s chest ached. 

“Hey, man, don’t worry! We can still ride!” Ted said, gesturing out to the open road. “I have to get back to where I’m from but you can show me around while I’m here!” He absentmindedly leaned forward onto Marko, rambling. He didn’t really notice Marko stiffen up or feel how cold Marko seemed to be. “And plus, I haven’t properly thanked you for your most ingenious idea about the video store. Deacon’s always loved records; can’t believe I didn’t think of it.” 

“To be fair,” Marko said quietly, carefully. “You looked like you had a bad run. Like, panicked, you know?” 

Ted nodded, feeling the various fabrics of Marko’s jacket rub against his stubble. “I  _ soooooo _ panicked, dude. Totally bogus. But thank you.” 

Marko leaned back. Ted thought this was as close as he might get to a hug. “Don’t mention it. You ready?” 

“Rock ‘n’ roll, Marko, rock and roll!” Ted exclaimed, listening to Marko howl with laughter as he ripped out of the parking lot. Ted turned in time to see Deacon, Edgar and Alan stare off at him with wild eyes. Edgar and Alan looked like they were going to say something, scream something, but Marko was way too fast. They were down the block and out of sight in a flash. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marko and Ted spend a most excellent and eye-opening hour together!

Marko took Ted to the sea. The moon hung low near the pier, skimming stark white over dark water. Neither of the boys could stop grinning, stop laughing and jiving at each other. They talked over each other, joking at such high velocity that Ted was over the moon with energy. Whatever Marko had in his little flask was _awesome_ , slick and clear and heavy. Ted had no intention of getting drunk but Marko was most familiar, but not too familiar. It was safe enough to get comfortable, but different enough to know better than to stay any longer. Ted knew in the back of his mind that he was really cashing in on this whole mishap, but he didn’t mind. This was fun! A misadventure of mildly Gothic proportions. A chill ran through Ted as he sat down on the rocks. Marko was rambling beside him, talking excitedly about some gory slasher flick he had seen with someone named Paul. The water before them rose and fell like a massive chest, lungs working in the trenches. 

“Hey.” Marko interrupted Ted’s train of thought with a jab to his side. Everything about Marko was sharp, insistent, unrelenting. He really wasn’t Bill but Ted couldn’t help but think about it. “What’s on your mind, Ted?” “Not much.” Ted lied. “Riddle me this, then.” Marko turned to face Ted, his gloved hand on Ted’s bare one. He was so cold - Ted should offer his jacket. It was uselessly tied around his waist. He regarded Marko with the same openness as he did everything else. “Yes, my morbid friend?” “Do I know you from somewhere?” Marko asked and it was as sharp as any jab. Ted shook his head slowly. 

“Nah, man. I don’t think so.” Ted replied honestly. “You do look most remarkably like someone I know; my best friend actually.” Bill had been with Ted since first grade. Ted still wondered how he made it through kindergarten without him. 

“Yeah? How so?” Marko asked, chin tilted up and eyes squinted. He held his lighter in his right hand, flicking it on and off. 

“It’s most uncanny, Marko! You both look like —“

“Achilles?” Marko guessed. Ted paused. Bill had mentioned something similar himself once when they had been to the San Dimas Art Museum. There had been paintings and busts alike of grand Greco-Roman figures. Zeus, Hades, Eros & Apollo. Apollo; there was this bust of his likeness in the center of the exhibit and Ted had stopped in his tracks. ‘Hey, dude, check it out! That’s totally me!’ Bill has said, beaming. He had been right. From the curly hair to the nose to the jawline. That’s who Ted always thought of when Bill was just getting home after work, sleepy but full of mirth, light from the golden hour sneaking up and plastering itself all over his features. Talk about a highlight. 

“Apollo!” Ted said decisively, leaning forward. Marko whistled. He flicked the lighter on again. 

“You think I look like Apollo, then? A god?” Marko sounded like he might be teasing but Ted didn’t mind. 

“Most definitely, you look most remarkably like Bill S. Preston Esquire and therefore the sunshine dude Apollo! And Achilles, probably.” Ted amended. Marko hadn’t taken his eyes off of Ted since he’d asked his question. Ted became alarmingly aware of how bright Marko’s eyes were, how sharp his teeth seemed. 

_Van Helsing. Vampires of Sodom. Freak of the Week._ Ted remembered the taste of blood in the back of his throat. 

“Tell me about him, your friend.” Marko rolled his wrist, sitting up straighter. “Your best friend.” 

“He’s the most excellent person I know!” Ted said louder than he had planned to. “He’s getting really good at guitar — now that Joanna is in school for music, she’s been able to teach us a little. He picks everything up so fast. He’s the smartest guy I know, always thinking ahead.” Ted knew he could talk about Bill forever. To him, Bill was basically everything - the only true best friend he’s ever had or will ever need. Bill was a Van Halen song. He also had the utmost comfort of knowing that if anyone ever asked Bill what he thought about Ted Logan, it would be similar. They were _Bill &Ted _, after all. 

“Who’s Joanna?” Marko asked. 

“A babe, a princess.” Ted answered. “We saved her and her sublime sister, Elizabeth, from a most dreary life in Old England. They would’ve been married off to someone who doesn’t care about them so we, like, got them out. Ran away.” 

“Will they ever get married now?” Marko asked. Ted blinked a few times, mouth working to catch up with his thoughts. They had thought about it. Jo & Bill, he & Liz. The girls loved them, sure, but everyone had agreed that school for them was way more important. Trading off a lot of the gold jewelry the princesses kept had paid their way through university. He knew that Bill liked Jo well enough to, like, _ya know_ and even he’d messed around with Liz before but.. there was something. Something off about the whole thing. Ted never told Bill just how relieved he had been when the respective relationships were put on hold. 

“I dunno. I don’t think so.” He said quietly. “At least not to dudes who don’t understand how cool they are. They’re rockstars.” 

Marko nodded like he was completely satisfied with this. “And you and this Bill, you both play?” He motioned out an air guitar and Ted had never been so excited in his life. He jammed out, if only for a second, sound effects and head banging included. Apparently it was an answer all on its own. Marko let out a short, stuttered sound before he began to laugh. 

“Teddy, man, you are something _else!_ ” He exclaimed. “I’ve never met anyone like you.” Marko added, the sincerity in his voice sending shockwaves through Ted’s brain. 

“Marko, my man. I can safely say the same.” Ted grinned. “Now, I have a question for you, dude.” He punctuated this by poking Marko square in the chest. 

“Fire away,” Marko said, voice low. 

“Is this place really the murder capital?” Ted had no idea how he could have such a nice time in a place with such a grim reputation. He believed Rufus, as always, but if that was the case, why was Marko living here? Wasn’t he nervous about the murder thing? To Ted’s surprise, Marko laughed again. Louder, this time, like he was in total awe and disbelief. He got to his feet, shaking his head. He turned and offered his chilly hand to Ted. 

“It is, Teddy, it is.” Marko pulled up Ted with such ease that he nearly threw him. Ted was caught by impossibly strong hands. Marko looked up at him with pause, eyes lidded in that classic sleepy way. “Don’t worry about it though. I’d never let them hurt you.” He said earnestly. “I promise.” Marko squeezed Ted’s hand lightly.   
He continued on, punctuating every other word with a step further from the pier. “Now, hey, I wanna show you somethin’. You gotta leave soon, so let’s make it quick.” With a shrug of Marko’s shoulder, they were up and off the rocks. Waving goodbye to the pier, Ted climbed on behind Marko once again. It had become clear to Ted at this point that if Captain Logan were here and Ted was a few years younger, he’d grab him by the ear and hiss that Ted was a fairy.

The rush of emotion flooding his mind, the swelling of Ted’s bumbling tongue, the most excellent freedom he felt when he held onto another man? Ted had wondered for years if something was wrong with him. Marko was as close as Ted has ever gotten to proof of the contrary. Marko was strong, hilarious, exciting and _totally_ _punk_. And he liked Ted. If all the handholding and eye catching had meant anything, Marko _really_ liked Ted.

He hoped that Marko would find someone who made him feel as excellent as Bill made Ted feel. There was an aching in Ted’s chest that he couldn’t shake. A part of him still felt guilty that he had left Bill with only a measly text. Their better adventures were always together. 

Ted was pretty sure he had never thought about Bill this much consecutively in his entire life. 

* * *

Marko stopped the bike on the bridge just a street or two away. Only a few cars made their way by. Ted was pretty sure it _wasn’t_ the San Francisco bridge, but to him, all bridges sorta looked like the San Francisco bridge. Marko leaned off of the bike while Ted remained. 

“Watch this and watch carefully.” Marko said, smiling wide. Ted nodded, all attention on his friend. Marko grinned at Ted, turned to climb up on top of the side railing and mock saluted Ted. He kicked his left leg up and fell off the side. Ted yelled out, “Marko, dude, please don’t freakin’ die on me!” He stumbled his way off the bike, tumbling over in a half-sprint to the side of the bridge. He ducked his head over, heart pounding. Ted fully expected to see Marko floating in the water below. There was nothing in the water. In fact, Ted could hear Marko snickering to himself very nearby indeed. Ted craned his neck to see Marko hanging upside down — _by his feet, holy shit, he’s upside down forreal like a bat_ — swaying ever so slightly.

  
”Made ya look.” Marko crooned. He flipped up with unimaginable speed, meeting Ted face to face.   
“Dude,” Ted muttered. There was no need to be any louder. Marko was right there. “What are you?”   
“You don’t sound scared.” Marko responded instead of answering.   
“I’m not.” Ted said truthfully. “But I wanna know.”   
_Freak of the Week._ Ted didn’t even register the word when it came out of Marko’s mouth. He knew and understood quickly. Marko’s friends, the posters of missing people he kept noticing out of the corner of his eye, _murder_.

He’d been quiet too long, he realized, as Marko had climbed off of the railing and was expecting something. Ted felt like he had to compensate.   
“I’m a time traveler. That’s why I have to go home, dude. I’m not even from this dimension.” Ted confessed.   
Marko was silent for a moment. Then, he laughed, punching Ted amiably in the arm. “I knew you were far out, but that’s _really_ far out.” Ted could tell by the sound of Marko’s voice that he didn’t believe them and maybe that was for the best. He could practically hear Rufus yelling about all the rules of time travel and how non-chill it was to break them.   
“You’re really not..?” Marko started. 

  
“Never.” Ted said before he could finish.

“You’ve been nothing but kind, dude. Most generous!” He beamed. Marko nodded slowly. He slid his hand down to hold onto Ted’s and led them both back to the motorcycle without another word. “Your hour’s nearly up. Back to your kid brother, then.” Marko announced, guiding Ted’s hands back around his waist. This was much closer to a hug. 

  
Deacon was waiting outside when they got back. Edgar and Alan were on either side of him, dutiful and charming. Ted knew that there were other kind boys back in San Dimas but man, was it a bit of a bummer to go.   
“Hey, D!” Ted called. Edgar and Alan scrambled up to their feet, fists raised in defense. Marko groaned.   
“Stay back, bloodsucker!” Edgar demanded.   
“Yeah, get lost!” Alan added.   
Deacon said nothing but his eyes were wide, like _Ted-what-on-earth-are-you-doing_ wide. Ted made the executive decision to ignore this. “Not cool, little dudes.” He said in his signature big brother voice. The boys seemed conflicted with this response, exchanging looks amongst themselves.

Ted hadn’t moved from the bike. He opted to check his watch. An hour had passed since his phone call with Rufus. As if on a cue, Ted heard the familiar crackling and a solid thud behind him. “Right on time. Most excellent.” He hummed. He rose to get up off of the bike. Marko stopped him.   
Ted could hear the click of the telephone booth door. Marko had a solid grip on Ted’s wrist. He smiled up at Ted and for the first time, Ted saw Marko’s _fangs_. Marko, still smiling, leaned just a bit to meet Ted’s neck.

The boys started to yell something about turning, something about magicians, blah-blah vampire, but Ted couldn’t hear it. Marko’s fangs graced Ted’s skin, just barely, until his lips settled. A kiss. “Thanks for sticking around. You made my night.” Another quick kiss to Ted’s cheek. “Catch ya later, _dude_.” Ted could feel his face go up like a wildfire.   
“Station.” He sighed, voice higher than he would’ve liked.   
“Ted? Are you ready?” Rufus asked from behind him. Ted whipped around to see Rufus in the booth with Bill hanging off of the door. Bill. Bill S. Preston Esq, his best friend, his roommate, the best thing that ever happened to Ted. Marko had seen him, too, eyebrows raised. He must have thought Ted was exaggerating. By the look on either of their faces, it must have been understood that Ted hadn’t stretched the truth an inch. 

  
“Let’s go, Ted!” Deacon called, making his way past a slack jawed Bill into the booth. Ted nodded, waving bye to Marko and the boys. The boys waved back as if in a trance of some sort, not believing anything they had seen even for a second. Marko gave Ted another mock salute before spiraling out of the parking lot and into the night. Ted jumped into the telephone booth and they were off.   
“I wish you had told me the nature of your new friend, Ted.” Rufus said. Ted, shifting his weight in the semi-crowded space, just laughed.   
  
Bill hadn’t said anything. Just held Ted’s hand while they were in the booth. He asked all about the night when they were in the safety of their apartment. Ted told him everything, making a point to mention just how much he had missed Bill. Now was finally the time to air guitar properly. “You would’ve thrived in all that bodacious carnival energy! Bet it would have made you miss that old bike, though.” Ted said. Bill had agreed wholeheartedly.

He asked about the kiss and Ted tried not to go bright red again. (Tried and failed.) Bill didn’t press, but he had said that kissing dudes could be “station”. Depending on the dude of course. As the week went on, Ted noticed that Bill had cut a few of his darker t-shirts up into crop tops. He wore them around the house more often, pairing them with flannels around his waist. (No heavy boots, though!) Ted didn’t say a word about it to him. Just compliment him here and there. He looked like a _rockstar_. Bill definitely would’ve murdered him if Ted mentioned how completely cute, how totally adorable Bill looked in his new threads. _But, man,_ Ted thought, _what a wonderful way to die._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> done-zo!! i fully expect to write more bnt in the future as they make me unbelievably happy !! thanks for diving into this one w/ me!!

**Author's Note:**

> can’t begin to tell u how gushy this made me to write!! its super fun trying out the headspace of a young Cali stoner sk8r boi. one more chapter for these folks comin up 
> 
> title is from i slept with someone in fall out boy and all i got was this stupid song written about me by fall out boy


End file.
